Well, I believe that the Lord is mixing things up a bit in my world yet again. For the last five or more years I have dealt with an illness that I don't know what it is. It will go away for a while, and then come back with a vengence. I continue to pray for healing because I know that the Lord still heals today — I am an example of that due to the fact that He has healed so many areas of my life since coming back to Christ in September 2004.
So the new change is He has prompted me to quit my job, stay home, and get well. The doctors continue to test me for various things, and I see yet another specialist in June. They continue to talk along the lines of an auto immune disease. Interestingly enough, the Lord brought into my life a wonderful woman about a year ago who is a Christian, used to be a pastor (now does worship at her church), and has lived with Lupus for 12 years. Our symptoms mirror each other. When Joe and I realized that maybe I needed to quit we began to seek the Lord in that direction one weekend, and I had lunch with her on a Monday and she began saying all of the same things that we had just gotten done praying — quitting my job, staying home, and getting well. Interesting how the Lord brings along a confirmation when we are not quite sure.
One of the things that the Lord has done in my heart through this is brought me JOY. I have a JOY during the midst of trials and pain that I've never had before. I have a love like I'd never had before. It is amazing. One night I had a particularly hard night, and got up early before anyone else and was in tremendous pain. I got up and spend the morning with the Lord, in the Word, and realized that I had this tremendous joy. I thought at that time that if I have this JOY and this love, then I can deal with this junk going on in my body. Really truly. If this is the fruit of suffering, then I will eat it! I'm serious.
Now, some people may think I'm crazy and not understand, but hey when has anything that the Lord has asked me to do made sense or when have most people understood. That has never stopped me before.
So here's the thing, I know that the Lord has something up His sleeve next for me, and He's not going to leave me in this condition forever — and if He chose to, you know what? I'll praise Him even then. You know, some people would say that that is a statement of lack of faith — not it's not. It is a statement as to a great deal of trust for the One Who created me. He has my life in His hands, and I trust Him with everything that is in me.
God has called us to love Him with all our heart, soul and mind, and love our neighbor as ourself. So I am doing my best to listen to His instruction, and pray for His will to be done in my life.
You know, when the disciples were with Jesus, they asked Him to teach them how to pray. It's very simple. "Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy Name; Thy Kingdom come; thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven; give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the Kingdom, the Power and the Glory forever, Amen."
It's quite simple. It's not a magic formula. It's that simple. Start there.