Where Do I Start….?

Really?  Where do I even start.  Those of you who are close to me know that I have been dealing with some very serious health issues.   I hesitated to put this out here on the web because this is a very personal issue, but you know something I choose to be transparent to the world so that the world may come to know the One who has been with me through it all.

The doctors have tentatively diagnosed those issues as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  It is quite debilitating and disabling.  I am, unfortunately, unable to work right now due to it. 

Four weeks ago, a new batch of issues began.  I had always thought that the chest pain I've experienced for many years was nothing, and when I began having some more serious issues most recently they sent me to a cardiologist.  Four weeks ago I had what they believe was a seizure.  Thankfully, I wasn't hurt other than I bit my tongue pretty hard. 

Then last week I had another episode of near passing out, nausea, and then extreme weakness.  Hours later after sleeping I woke up to a raging migraine that my meds wouldn't even touch.  Due to the near passing out, dizziness and the seizure just two weeks prior — I called the doc and he said to go to ER.  Thankfully, they said I didn't have a heart attack, but I had my appointment with the cardiologist yesterday.

He found a heart murmur.  I found some information on this http://www.medic8.com/healthguide/articles/heartmurmurs.html web page, and it totally explained many symptoms I've been having for a couple of years.  I am going in for an echocardiogram as soon as they can get me in, and I'm wearing a EKG halter for the next month.  Anytime I feel anything I get to press a button.  It will record my heart activities for the next month. 

Now I'll admit during the seizure I seriously thought I was dying.  I've never felt anything quite so intense/painful ever.  It really scared me.  (This isn't the first seizure I've had, but it's been a while and this one was by far the worst one yet.)  But seriously, at the moment, I feel peace.  An unusual amount of peace.  I believe that peace is from the Lord.  Since I haven't been able to work, our monthly income was cut in half, but amazingly, all of our needs are being met!  Praise You God!  Joe has been absolutely AMAZING through this entire ordeal, and while I have guilt because of my lack of ability to do things some days, he is so fine with it (not fine with me being sick, but fine if I rest) — he blows my mind with how much he loves me.  I seriously don't deserve him.  God blessed me so much when He brought Joe into my life.

Am I scared?  Not really.  I have my full faith in the Lord and that His will will be done.  At times when I don't know what to pray — I simply pray the Lord's prayer.  Because seriously, if my time was to be up here on earth (which I don't think it is, but we never know) and that was God's will — then so be it!  If it is His will that I simply rest and take care of myself and learn new healthy habits, etc, focuses on other things — then so be it!  And if it is His will to heal me miraculously — then so be it!  No matter what it ends up being — I will PRAISE HIM!  You know why?  Because He has promised to never leave me nor forsake me.  I love Him so much and more and more every day. 

Jesus Christ, I am making a public declaration of my love and devotion to You and You alone!  You are my strong tower, my fortress when I am weak, my shelter, my comfort — You are faithful even when I am not.  I love you more than words can say.  Love, Michele

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