Are you playing a Christian? 2 Corinthians 5:17 says “ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” This means that we are new and if we are in Christ we should be changed, we should notice a change in our lives, we should not be as the world is. We should continually be changing for the better, not going backwards and into things of the world and what the world says are good.
I see so many people who call themselves Christians today engaging in constant, sinful behavior. Yes, we all sin and we all fall short of the glory of God. I am FAR from perfect, however, I am FAR from what I was 10 years ago when I gave my life wholly and completely over to Christ. We cannot be Christians and continue to be content in our sin. When we sin (and I say when because we will sin), we should be convicted of our sin in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. It should bother us when we sin. If our sin doesn’t bother us, then we might want to question the fact of whether we are saved or if we are not.
Prior to giving my life to Christ I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I was diagnosed in my 20s with it and had dealt with those symptoms for many years. I used to hear voices and even had hallucinations. It was constant torture in my mind. Then in about 2001 I had a boss who was a Christian that I worked for part-time as a legal assistant. I worked 3 days a week. There were some days that he would come in and just talk to me about Jesus! He was even paying me while he talked to me. He would bring his Bible to work with him, and read to me from it. He would answer my questions and my arguments from God’s word. He would pray with me. I’m positive he was praying FOR me also, as were several other people I found out later. I was SO far from God at that time and my life was a complete mess. I don’t know how long he did this, but at one point I finally realized that Jesus is Who the Bible says He is and I knelt down in the office one day and gave my life to Christ.
My boss then invited me to come to church with him. I told him no thanks, that’s not my thing. I’m sure he continued to pray for me. It was in January 2002 that I separated from my husband of 11 years. I didn’t realize it until many years later that my bipolar symptoms went immediately away after I invited Jesus into my heart! Praise God. However, I still hadn’t surrendered my life to Christ. I tried to not sin, but it was impossible for me not to. I gave up and gave in to the world’s way again. I figured I had done too much at that point for God to want me back, so gave up. (Note: I had not done too much, that was a lie from the enemy of our souls.) I was also afraid of what others would think too. Peer pressure as an adult is VERY real. I didn’t want to be called crazy, or a fanatic, or any other nasty name that Christians get called.
Then in about August of 2004 a series of things happened. I watched “The Passion of the Christ”, I met a Christian man who had more joy than anyone I’ve ever met before who preached to me without words, I had a dream where an angel told me I was going to hell (and I also experienced God’s immense love during that dream), and then the worst of all: I experienced about a one minute moment where I felt my bipolar symptoms again. That horrible feeling in my head. I cannot explain it except it is torture. I dropped to my knees and prayed for God to reveal Himself to me, show me that He is truly real, to give me a 2×4 up the side of the head because I either wasn’t listening or wasn’t getting it. I asked Him “what do I need to do so that I don’t go back to that?” I needed Him.
Nothing happened. I felt defeated inside and went to bed. I woke up the next morning. It happened to be a Sunday. I sat up in bed and thought “everything’s the same.” I turned on the tv to some Christian show and remember thinking that the music sounded “weird” and “off.” I shrugged and got out of bed. I decided to shower and start my day.
As I’m in the shower it dawns on me “was that my sign? was that You God?” I even said out loud while looking up “was that You God?” And like a FLOOD from Heaven, being poured out from a large pitcher and into my body came God’s words to me more clear than I had EVER heard before! Everything that I was doing that needed to be changed. How I was living a life full of sin. That I needed to give my life wholly and completely over to Jesus if I didn’t want to go back to the bipolar life of madness. He told me to stop having sex outside of marriage. He even told me which church He wanted me to go to.
I had NEVER had God “speak” to me. I used to mock and make fun of people who would say “God told me…”. I was SO wrong! God opened my eyes for the first time in my life! The song “I once was blind, and now I see” was FINALLY true for me! I knew I was a sinner in need of a Savior, and that Savior is Jesus Christ!
I have never cried so hard. After that shower I was the cleanest that I had been in my entire life, both inside and out. God washed my sins right down that drain! He placed a right Spirit right inside of my heart and began at that very moment to make me a new creation — IN HIM.
My boyfriend showed up that morning at my house and by the time he got there I had been crying and praying for quite some time. He walked through the door and I told him that I had given my life to Jesus Christ. I told him that I was not having sex again until I was married, and that I was going to start going to church. He decided to join me and the following weekend he gave his life to Christ! He is still serving God to this day! We never married and he is now married to a wonderful woman of God, who also serves the Lord.
I knew the minute I walked through the doors of the church that he and I were over. God immediately told me that. I knew if I broke up with him that he would not continue to come to church. We stayed “boyfriend and girlfriend” for six more months because I wanted him to make friends, get grounded and rooted in the Lord, and then let him go. I am so glad that I did that. We also no longer had sex of ANY kind because God had told me to stop if I didn’t want to go back to my old way of life, and I didn’t. I wanted what He had for me now!